By Micayla Angel
For those who don’t know me, I want to share a little bit about myself. I was very blessed to be raised in a family who taught me about the Lord from an early age. I gave my life to the Lord while very young and genuinely pursued him from then on. I grew up going to a little tight-knit church called Avila Beach Christian Fellowship where my parents were both very involved in ministry. Unfortunately that church closed down when I was in high school, which led us to try out Calvary AG. I was immediately drawn to George’s teaching in the Workshop, so we ended up making this church our home. I graduated high school in 2010, then got married a couple years later. My husband and I now have 2 kids, and one more on the way.
I’ve been thinking back to my first pregnancy, and to how blissfully unaware I was of what was to come. What motherhood would really look like. I bet some of you moms can relate. I thought I was so prepared, but it turned out I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I think all parents have a moment of reckoning when they realize that this is so much harder than we thought. Why didn’t anyone warn us about what we were getting into?
I wonder how many of us started off our Christian life like that- unaware of the hardship and testing that was coming our way? We were drawn by the promises of God’s love and forgiveness of our sins and the idea that we don’t need to do much except have faith and receive God’s grace. And the crazy part is, salvation really is a free gift to us- Rom 10:9:
“Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, and you will be saved.”
But that’s only part of the story. Because in Matt 16:24-25 , Jesus says:
“Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” (NKJV)
So which is it? What have we gotten ourselves into? Is this relationship a free gift, or a death sentence?
Well, like most good questions, the answer is both.
The reality is that salvation is free to us, but not to God, not to Jesus
The only reason it’s free is because someone else paid the price. If I buy you a coffee, that doesn’t make the coffee free. It’s just that the cost was covered by another.
God went all in and covered our cost of salvation to ensure that we would have access to his forgiveness and grace. I think this is a very important distinction, because our view of our salvation will affect how motivated we are by God’s grace. If grace is free, then do we feel much obligation to put ourselves on the line for God? But if grace is costly, then it demands more respect, more awe, more devotion.
There’s a quote I love from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was a German theologian and one of the few German pastors who stood up to Hitler. And it cost him his life, so he was qualified to make this statement. He wrote, “ Salvation is free, but discipleship will cost you your life.”
In his book, The Cost of Discipleship, he explains the difference between cheap grace and costly grace:
“Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance… grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate. Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods…Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock. Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life…Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: ‘ye were bought at a price,’ and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us . Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.”
Our first point is from this passage:
- What has cost God much cannot be cheap for us.
The fact is, our salvation was costly, but Jesus paid it for us with his blood. He joyfully offers himself to us as a free gift. He is our ticket. Our admission is paid. But what happens next?
The minute after salvation begins the process of sanctification. Jesus did the work of salvation, but calls us to follow his example for the process of sanctification or discipleship. This part doesn’t always make it into the altar call. Sometime later, when the rubber meets the road, believers are faced with the decision- are we really going to go All In, or just dabble? Is it even possible to do what Jesus asks, or is that just an analogy, an inspirational quote? And what does it actually mean?
Leave it to Paul to describe the right mentality in 2 Cor 5:14-15 ,
“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”
It’s clear that Paul understood the cost of God’s grace, and his life reflected that. Salvation may be free to us, but going ALL IN with the Lord means we are surrendering control of our life to him who paid for us.
Once the Holy Spirit resides in us, his constant work is to soften our hearts. But the choice of surrendering to his work is ours- we will always battle with the innate urge to harden our hearts, to resist change. Why is this? Because our flesh wants to be left alone! We naturally don’t want to change- or to be told what to do. To be uncomfortable. We want to be our own boss. This resistance is inescapable, it’s part of the world we live in. And rather than let this depress us or weigh us down, let’s reframe our perspective. Our second point is:
2. The resistance reminds us we are on the narrow road
I love this simple quote my Christian counselor shared with me. In this quote, God says: “I had to make you uncomfortable or you wouldn’t move!” And how true is that? Sometimes the first thing that forces me out of bed in the morning, if not my kids, is my bladder. If I didn't have this urge to get up, and walk to the bathroom, I would have no other motivation for getting up. Our flesh can be described as being in a state of inertia. I hope you are awake, because we’re going to consider a very brief analogy from physics.
According to Oxford dictionary, inertia can be defined as:
- a tendency to do nothing or remain unchanged.
- In physics, it refers to an object’s resistance to acceleration or deceleration unless acted on by an external force.
Did you know that seat belts exist because of inertia? If your car were to stop suddenly, your body would keep moving forward due to inertia, but your seatbelt is that external force that stops you and keeps you safe.
But how applicable is that definition to our flesh?! The tendency to do nothing or remain unchanged. In a sense, it’s the idea that we naturally default to the path of least resistance. The path of least discomfort. The path of least personal cost. Trying to act against this resistance feels contrary to our nature. But when we are overwhelmed by everything that seems to be working against us, may we take heart that this actually means we are on the right path. If we didn’t sense opposition, we would not be being led by the Spirit, who is contrary to this world.
In Matt 7:13-14 Jesus says, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” So how can we be a part of this ‘few’? How do we resist the inertia that is so irresistible? Let’s go back to our definition…In physics, it refers to an object’s resistance to acceleration or deceleration unless acted on by an external force .” And boy oh boy, do we have quite an External Force on our side. And let me be clear- this term is an analogy only. God is not a force, the Holy Spirit is not a force. They are each a person within the Trinity. But I like how this example relates so directly to our spiritual life. Because without this “External Force”, we would truly be hopeless. Dead in our sins. Stuck in our self destructive patterns of comfort worship. But the same God who called us to salvation calls us deeper into discipleship. He did not save us to merely enjoy life or try to survive life until he returns. He has called us to be ministers in his kingdom, to push back the darkness, to plant, water, and harvest souls for his kingdom. He calls us to follow the example of his Son. And that leads us to point three:
3. We overcome by surrendering and receiving His supply
Often, our initial reaction to the idea of surrendering is to see it as losing out, as a giving up. But the truth is that there is great power in surrender. Surrendering to the Lord, whether in a small way or a big way, is like stabbing our flesh in the guts. It is an act of warfare! When we surrender, we make room in our life for God’s supply. His supply meets us in our surrender.
We’re going to look at 3 ways we surrender and how his supply meets our surrender:
- The first step of going All In is surrendering our right to live according to our will.
In John 10:17-18 Jesus explains:
17The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. 18No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”
Jesus was alluding to him literally and physically laying down his life for us on the cross, and then raising up again on the third day. But it also applies to us laying down our life spiritually each and every day. Notice how he says, “No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again.” This is an example of the free will God has given us. He certainly pursues us, draws us, speaks to us, and empowers us, but at the end of the day we have the right, the choice, to do our will or his will.
We all face situations in our lives where we feel that we have the right to be upset, to speak our mind, to worry, to avoid certain uncomfortable situations. Our world is all about advocating for our rights. And there are genuine circumstances that require that.
But there are also times when the Lord will call us to lay down our rights. Jesus didn’t wait for people to treat him the way he deserved, because he knew that was impossible. He deserves perfect submission, reverence, worship. But He stepped down to our level, bore with our sin, and took the first step towards us, even though it cost him and exposed him to humanity’s wickedness.
Sometimes we might think, “I have the right to act this way because they are acting that way!” God may tell you to lay down that “right” and instead, humble yourself, take up your cross, and follow him. Which could look like having a hard conversation rather than avoiding it and allowing bitterness to grow in our heart. Choosing to forgive again and again each time that painful memory resurfaces. We are so good at excusing ourselves, yet the Lord leaves very little room for that when we choose to follow him. He does not judge, condemn, or blame. He knows our weakness, our frame, our wandering hearts. But He is not content to leave us as we are. His Spirit is constantly calling us further up towards his holiness.
Jesus was judged and mistreated and misunderstood more than we will ever fully know, and he was perfect!. But he constantly laid down his right to retaliate, to enact immediate justice, even his right to be worshipped, to be obeyed. He put all that aside in order to reach the lost and demonstrate the Father’s love and mercy towards us. He trusted his Father’s timing for redeeming and restoring and bringing justice.
2 Cor 4:10-11
We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.
If we want to experience the abundant life and power that Jesus talks about, we must surrender first to the death of our will that enables that life. Think about the cross. The enemy thought he won because Jesus was taken out, temporarily. But the devil didn’t fully know the secret of surrender- that surrender leads to God’s supply. When Jesus willingly laid down his life, He was then resurrected by God’s power in God’s timing. The enemy made that mistake once, and now he’s doing everything he can to keep us from learning that secret. He wants us to despise surrender, to avoid it, to doubt it. In God’s upside down kingdom, death leads to life, not the other way around.
So when we surrender our will, what is God’s supply?
- The power of the Holy Spirit
God works in us specifically through his Holy Spirit.Before Jesus went to the cross, he comforted his disciples with the promise that they would not be left alone. InJohn 14:16-17Jesus says:
“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.”
So not only do we have an External Helper, we have an Internal Helper, the Holy Spirit residing within us. If you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, the Holy Spirit lives in you and is your personal advocate, your helper, your counselor, comforter, always leading you towards the truth and towards God’s will for you. Do not neglect to ask for the Spirit’s help in every situation. He is waiting for your surrender so He can grace you with His abundant supply.
And let’s not forget 1 John 4:4:
“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”
The power of the Holy Spirit is greater than all other forces working against us. It may not seem like it, we may not sense it as clearly as we want to all the time, but this is what God promises. Earnestly ask for the power of the Holy Spirit to help you in your area of need, and God will provide.
I experienced this truth in a very specific way last year that I will never forget. I was doing some homework from my Christian counselor, and the questions were stirring up some pretty heavy emotions. I noticed my mind start naturally drifting to some unhealthy thoughts that I was trying to recover from. It felt like my mind was being sucked down towards this black hole of dark feelings and thoughts, and despite my effort, I couldn’t resist the pull. It was too strong. That thought pattern had been so ingrained into my head that I felt like I had no power to change it. Anxiety rose within me as I realized I was in over my head, I couldn’t save myself from the inevitable. I was about to be taken under this wave of darkness, depression, hopelessness, anger, and resentment. By God’s grace, I desperately prayed the only thing that came to mind: “Holy Spirit help me! Holy Spirit help me! Holy Spirit help me!” Over and over again for several seconds. There was a short pause, and then all of a sudden, this verse popped into my head:
Ps 19:14:
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer.”
I could almost picture the Holy Spirit thumbing through the verses I had stored up in my heart, finding this one, and saying, “Yeah, this will do.”
It wasn’t even the words of the verse itself that comforted me in that moment. It was the realization on a whole new level that the Holy Spirit was truly with me. He was right there, waiting to help me, and all I needed to do was ask. As we know, He doesn’t always respond this instantly, but when He does, it is such an encouraging experience. He is waiting for us to cry out in surrender so He can provide us with his supply.
- The second area we are called to surrender is our right to understand .
Sometimes God’s ways make sense to us, and sometimes they baffle us.
I’m sure we are all familiar with Prov 3:5-6:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Has anyone tried this? It sounds lovely, but this is totally against our nature.
Just to make sure this sinks in, I’m going to read it from the Message interpretation:
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.”
I think one of the hardest parts of our understanding to surrender is our understanding of God’s timing. This gets us down so often and so easily. We want our prayers to be answered quickly. We want our breakthrough to happen immediately. Our faith and hope often dwindle when the time drags on and nothing seems to change. But these are the exact ingredients He so often uses to build up our faith. To train us in endurance. But it is so excruciating sometimes. It’s in these times when the cost of following him can seem too great. We are being pushed to the brink, to the end of ourselves. When we are waiting on the Lord to change our circumstances, to deliver us from the pressure- consider that His priority might be changing you. He cares about our hardships of course, but His ultimate goal is to get your attention back on him. And unfortunately, that usually requires some pressure to be applied. We have to be brought to the end of ourself in order to learn the desperation necessary for total surrender. We don’t know how to manufacture complete surrender on our own, we have to be taught. And the Lord teaches us through hardship. Ouch. This is the cost of going All In- submitting to God’s school of surrender. Because surrender is the secret to receiving His supply.
How does He supply when we surrender our understanding?
2. His peace guards us and His Word guides us
Phil 4:7:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
So I have a love/hate relationship with this verse. Don’t be anxious about anything? That basically means don’t be human, right? Don’t look around, don’t pay attention. Don’t watch the news, don’t ask your friends how they’re doing. But our anxiety is usually linked to our understanding. We are anxious about so many things because we don’t see a way out, we don’t see any evidence of God’s intervention. We see all the things going wrong, and hardly any going “right.” What’s the common denominator in all of this? Us! Our eyes, our perspective, our understanding, our conclusions. When we choose surrender in this area, God’s supply of peace meets us. Notice that His peace becomes a guard over our heart and mind. Who doesn’t want that? Who doesn’t need that? But how do we receive that peace? We have to learn to surrender our understanding.
Ps 119:104-105
“I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path. Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path.”
The Message:
“With your instruction, I understand life; that’s why I hate false propaganda. By your words I can see where I’m going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path.”
So what is our source of understanding? Of the truth? It’s God’s Word. Not what we see with our eyes, not what seems natural to us. Not the seemingly obvious conclusions. Constant exposure to His word will change our understanding and light the next step on our path. God speaks to us through his Word, but we must open it up and take it in.
- The third area we’re called to surrender is our heart.
One of the most powerful prayers I have personally learned to pray is from Ps 86:11:
“Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.”
This verse has a personal history with me. Several years ago, I was attempting to fast. I say attempting because there is nothing that has humbled me more than trying to develop the practice of fasting. I think this was shortly after George had done message on the power of fasting. I had a list of about 6 different things I was praying for, and I remember being in the car around lunch time, and I was starting to grumble. I was hangry and a bit frustrated that I hadn’t sensed anything specific from the Lord yet. My expectations were obviously off base, but I didn’t quite realize it at the time. I started complaining to the Lord, reminding him that I had been praying all day, that Pastor George said God is faithful to answer when we fast and pray, so why hadn’t anything happened yet? I’m ashamed of how impatient I was back then, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if God had chosen to let me figure some of that out on my own. But he is such a gracious Father, that he actually met me in the midst of my confusion, my doubts, my hunger.
A random thought came into my mind: ‘Pray for an undivided heart’. That was it. I assumed it was related to something I had read, or a song, but as I racked my brain, nothing rang a bell. It seemed to have come out of nowhere. When I got home later that day, I looked up verses about an undivided heart, and Psalm 86:11 jumped out at me. I realized that the Lord was lovingly calling me out on my misplaced priorities, and exhorting me to get my heart right. This has been my life verse since then.
If I could come up with a definition of going All In from my experience so far , I would describe it as obedience in faith, made possible by an undivided heart.
And how does the Lord supply when we surrender our heart?
3. God promises to give us an undivided heart
For those who are aware that your heart is divided, your priorities are maybe not really in line with God’s priorities, you are in the right place!
There is one other verse about an undivided heart found in Ezekiel 11:19 :
“I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.”
Who is it that does the work in your heart? Certainly not us- only God, who made our heart, who knows us inside and out- He is the only one capable of fixing us, redeeming us. And it’s not a one time thing. That would be really nice, right? None of us would need to be here if that was the case. The reality is that it is a continual process of him removing the hardened, dead pieces and restoring it by his Spirit. God wants to gain ground in our hearts this weekend . The longer we walk with him, the deeper he reaches into our heart, our thinking patterns, our past hurts, our habits. There is nothing in our lives that is off limits for Him. And that can be an unsettling reality, as we each have areas that we don’t want to deal with. Whether consciously, or unconsciously, there are parts of us we cover up, protect, ignore, make excuses for. This is our flesh and it’s inertia- resisting change, resisting anything awkward or uncomfortable. But remember that inertia can be influenced by an external force. God’s desire is to finish what he started: as Phil 1:6 says,
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
No matter what state your heart is in coming into this retreat, God is ready to meet you and continue his work in you. Whether you’re coming in on fire, or whether you’re stumbling in from the valley, weary from battle, thirsty for the Living Water, God is saying, “Come! Everyone, come and drink!” If you have been bought by his Son’s blood, you have access to all the Father’s resources. Nothing good will he withhold from you.
What is God calling you to surrender? Has he pricked your mind with a familiar reminder- maybe something you gave up on long ago. Maybe you’ve tried and failed multiple times to yield a certain area to Him, but you keep getting stuck. I’ve been there, and it’s terrifying to be called out by God. Remember that God wants to meet you right where you are and remind you that He sees you, and he wants to heal you. God wants to gain ground in your heart this weekend.
He never stops saying, “Come to me!” But sometimes we don’t want to come, or we come guarded. Half-hearted, protecting ourselves. We come to ask for help, for wisdom but not to receive instruction. This is not how a relationship with him works.
When we resist him, we will likely reach a stalemate in our spiritual growth. We will essentially limit what God can do in us by our unwillingness to surrender. If we quench his voice of correction, we will also quench his voice of direction.
So what is it for you? I would encourage you to use our time here this weekend to ask the Lord to search your heart and bring to your mind something where he might be calling you to go All In. Whether it's something big or something small, expect to feel some dread, some anxiety, some resistance. The resistance we feel reminds us we are on the narrow path. When you feel like it’s too much, too heavy, too risky, remember that God is calling us into His school of surrender so He can grace us with his supply. When your excuses come flooding in, remember that what cost God much cannot be cheap for us.
Did you know that our inertia can be repurposed for good? When acted on by that External Force, inertia can be transformed into momentum .
Inertia itself is passive, but Newton’s Second Law of Physics states that if a force acts on inertia, it will create momentum.
Each step we take in obedience, every time we yield to the Holy Spirit, we are reversing the curse of sin in our life brought about by Adam and Eve. Each time we choose surrender over control, faith over fear, we are allowing our inertia to be redeemed into momentum. And as we continue that pattern over time, that godly momentum gains speed, and becomes harder to slow down.
I want to leave you with a final promise from 2 Chron 16:9:
“For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”
You are not alone, God is seeking to strengthen us as we commit to seeking him with our whole heart.
If you have not yet given your life to the Lord, I hope this will be the night you yield to Him once and for all. You’ve been warned about the cost, and yet the reward of a life lived for God is so much greater than the emptiness of living for ourselves. C.S. Lewis said it this way: “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”